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Room 100

On November 17 it will be five months since he died. I have lived with our dog in a long term stay hotel near our eldest daughter. There are days when i am totally surprised by how long its been since he died…..still seems like he just died. Im numb, cry rarely, just seem incapacitated unsure what to do next.

I really have no clue what to do next. We had talked about moving to the Charleston South Carolina area to retire. My plan is to head there on November 16. Spend thanksgiving with my daughters and the dog and then seek employment.

I worked as soon as I could in my case in Illinois I was thirteen. I held the usual teenage jobs at the mall, Walmart, etc. After this stage my early working career was in nice restaurants and bartending while I was floundering trying to finish an undergraduate degree. Spending far too much time chasing boyfriends. Finally I completed an undergraduate degree in Nursing in Philadelphia. I worked at Jefferson downtown received much more than just a nursing education…I grew up in a small midwestern town. I adjusted and grew. Eventually I met my spouse and we moved to Northern Michigan and I continued to work but this time in a small community hospital…..a completely different education and way of life. I adjusted once again.

My spouse took a job out east which made it possible for me to be at home with our first daughter. I loved being with her. We had a second daughter. I enjoyed being with both of them. Finally when the girls were in college/finishing high school I decided to do a refresher course so I could return to work. Shortly after completing this my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer. I spent the last two years caring for him – everything i knew from nursing returned.

So now I must find a job. I have updated my BLS. I have two active nursing licenses. Can I find a job I wonder. I am 57. I still have one child in college.

Sometimes I am panicked, sometimes I am sad, sometimes I am frightened, this is all so new……….

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